My sweet sunflower,
Before I start, I want to apologize. I should have told you sooner. We should have had more time. This shouldn’t be happening to you. I’m sorry that I can’t be strong enough to be there for you, for every season, every second, to be the sun you always turned to for guidance.
I hope you can forgive me for being selfish enough to want to have you look at me, treat me like you would, ignorant of the impending tragedy. I wanted the disease to go away, I wanted you to be the stability in my life, the eye of the storm that had sucked me in. I’m sorry I wanted to see what I would lose – it wasn’t fair for you, me keeping this secret from you.
My love, you were always the centre around which my universe revolved. Without you, I would’ve been a boat, floating on with no destination. You gave me purpose. You came into my life with the most beautiful smile as I held your fragile body in my arms, and that smile is the reason I’m sitting here today, writing this.
Life is tough. I won’t sugar coat it for you. There are going to be SO many moments when you’ll feel like giving up, giving in to the darkness, because what’s the point of any of this? Trust me, baby, I know the feeling. It is the same darkness that threatened to suck me in, that devoured me almost completely. But then, life gave me light, a pathway out of the darkness – you. I gave birth to you, and it was like the colour seeped back into my life.
That’s when I realized it. There is a reason for this great mess we call life – love. Yes, I know, the same old cliché line every old person says. But isn’t there a reason clichés are so popular?
Another reason why I’m sorry – I know my leaving will hurt you. You will guard your heart more fiercely than you do already. You’re scared to love, but it’s alright. There is love everywhere, overflowing from hearts. You will learn how to let love paint over your bruises, let it caress your heart.
I wanted to be there with you on your journey. Life gave me you, now it’s taking me away. I am sorry, but do this one last thing for me.
Love without fear. And for God’s sake, don’t you dare lose that smile.
Yours forever,
Mother.
Comments