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  • Writer's pictureMughda Mohanty

Unspoken Thoughts

“And the employee of the month is...AMARA! For the fifth time this year!”, yelled the boss. Cheers erupted and people clapped for the young girl who emerged from the crowd. You would expect this young lady to be so excited and proud of herself but instead, Amara looked like she was scared, like she was about to have an immediate nervous breakdown. She even looked kind of emotionless, her eyes blank and her body shivering. “Congratulations, Amara! We are so honoured to have a person of your calibre working in a small company like ours and executing your work so well! Keep it up!” said her boss and Amara gave out a small forced smile but her eyes still remained blank.

She had been doing so well and had been working so hard but this always raised people’s expectations of her. Everyone expected her to do excellently at whichever job she took on, why? Because she was Amara and that was reason enough for people to give her each and every job. There were a few negative murmurs from the crowd hidden in the loud cheers;

“I have heard that her dad is friends with the boss which is why she always wins these prizes. She totally doesn’t deserve it.”

“Oh my god! I agree, she is so impolite and arrogant and she never smiles at us- her co-workers. What a haughty and pompous person!”.

A few co-workers of Amara were extremely nice and polite to her but this was all just for show as she was neither invited to the informal office parties nor did she have an actual true friend in the office where she worked. Well, people would expect this to be Amara’s fault, but the girl had actually not done anything rude or offensive to her fellow workers, she was always polite to them but due to her introverted nature, she had some problems being the first one to speak up. Some of her co-workers were simply jealous of her whilst some thought that Amara would just not be interested in hanging out with the others. Why? Because she was Amara.

Amara was done with all this and in all actuality, she wanted to stop getting the attention she did, she did not want to be chosen for the honourable positions she was given, she wanted people to stop calling her the ‘Best’ or a ‘Genius’ or ‘Special’ cause deep inside herself she knew she was not.

She wanted a break, a moment to breathe, a time where people would have no expectations from her, a moment where she could be normal and not submit to the extreme pressure she was under. She did want to be friends with her co-workers but none of them seemed to be interested in even talking to her about something other than work.

Amara was a hard worker and believed in focusing on goals and achieving them but if that made her so stressed and anxious, she wanted it to stop. She wanted to do something other than work for once. She would love to go back home and spend some time with her family and relatives, but they always thought that Amara’s only purpose was to work and if she was doing so well in her work she should continue doing that, and spending time in recreational activities it would just be a hindrance in her path to success. Amara would love to bake, draw, sing and dance but when she did something other than work, her inner conscience would start ringing alarm bells and guilt-trip her and so she would slip back onto her chair and open her laptop and start working once again.

There were nights where Amara would just look outside her window and wonder, “Is this what my life has come up to? Just working without motivation and not getting a moment to even breathe.” She would try to sleep but all her mind ever went to was, “What would I do at work tomorrow? How can I talk to my deskmate and be friends with her?”, the former question would certainly be answered the next day but the latter would remain unanswered for several months.

How could Amara better herself when her own conscience disagreed to cooperate with her, when her own inhibitions would not let her speak up and do what her heart wanted to. Amara very well knew in her mind how each and every morning was going to go and she knew that all she could do was muster a slight smile and just hope that a day would come where she wouldn’t feel as incomplete as she did all the time. “Hopefully the day will arrive soon.”, thought Amara every night to herself.

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